Answer to My Prayers

Yet another essay from my writing class.  And again, I had 2-3 pages in which to write about 15-20 pages worth of information. 

Not easy! 

It started well until I got almost to the third page before realizing that I wasn’t even close to the part of the story I was trying to tell.  Therefore, large chunks of information are missing, but I saved the original… to be continued. 

For now, you can read my extremely condensed version of our love story.  Like… SUPER condensed. 

 

It had never occurred to me to tell Heavenly Father what I wanted. I had said countless prayers pleading with God to give me an answer. What I didn’t realize was that He couldn’t give me an answer to a question with no real direction. The answer finally came after a sincere conversation and heartfelt prayer. It would have been impossible for me to deny the feeling I had as I knelt next to my twin-sized bed, wrapped in the warmth of a spiritual blanket.

Just hours before, Anthony had asked me to marry him for the third time. I really liked him, loved him even. The problem was, I had promised myself I would wait.

Another guy, whom I had dated for couple of years, was gone on a mission to Japan. My family was partial to the missionary, Darren, mostly due to my constantly pointing out Anthony’s flaws. It was my only defense against the feelings I was developing. I didn’t want to love Anthony. He was the guy I met just 10 days after Darren left for the MTC, but he just wouldn’t go away. It was as if he were a cat I had fed a can of tuna. He just kept coming back. As a result, my feelings for him just kept growing, despite my efforts. In fact, there was a time we took a break from all contact for an entire week. That week felt like a lifetime, and I couldn’t get him out of my thoughts. It was my chance to prove to him, and myself, that I really wanted to wait for the missionary. It failed!

Anthony was an avid temple patron. He had gone several times seeking answers to the question of marriage. The answer he received was different than the answers I had received. He really felt I was the one he should marry, while I felt that I was receiving no answer at all. He would ask, “Do you love me?” To which I would reply, “Yes, but I love someone else, too. You can’t expect me to fall out of love with Darren just because you showed up.”

It was true. I was in love with two people. Both were great guys; one a returned missionary, the other out in the field. I am convinced, either one could have made me very happy. However, I still didn’t know what Heavenly Father wanted for me. When I would pray for an answer, my prayers sounded wishy-washy. I didn’t have a plan in mind. I would simply say, “Please help me to know whether I am supposed to marry Anthony or wait for Darren.” A decision hadn’t been made, and I already had my heart set on waiting… at least that’s what I thought. A part of me really wanted to marry Anthony. His family was great, and I felt that I could literally feel the love he had for me. But I had already convinced so many people that Anthony’s flaws simply couldn’t be overlooked. It would help to keep me waiting for Darren if I knew nobody approved of Anthony.

It wasn’t until the third time that Anthony asked me to marry him that I really prayed with a sincere heart. After the initial answer I gave that I was going to wait, he asked me very sincerely, “Have you really prayed about it?”

I was appalled. “Well… yes!” Then the next few questions came spilling out of his mouth. “Have you told Heavenly Father what you want and asked him if it’s right? Have you really studied it out in your mind? Do you even know what you want?” I became very defensive at that point. Did he think I was stupid? Did he understand that my heart felt like it was being ripped in two different directions? It was as if my heart was a wishbone straight out of the Thanksgiving turkey. It would be tugged and pulled by two guys, both worthy of becoming my eternal partner, until it would finally snap. The winner would be the one holding the biggest piece of bone in his hand. I hated it! It was the worst feeling I had ever experienced.

After Anthony was able to convince me that he wasn’t accusing me of anything, I realized that I had not yet prayed with a sincere heart.

That very night I set out to do just that. Having not made up my mind about what I really wanted, the only thing to pray for was clarity. I loved two men, but could only marry one of them. As I knelt down to pray, I realized that even thought I didn’t know who I wanted at that moment, I could tell my Heavenly Father I just wanted to please Him. The words of that prayer were the most sincere I had ever allowed myself to utter. I told Him that if Anthony was the person He wanted me to be with, then that was exactly what I wanted.

Suddenly, there it was! The spirit entered the room and I felt a warm hug envelope me. I can only compare it to the warmth of a blanket heated in the sun. In that moment, I knew. Heavenly Father wanted me to be exactly where I was. No wonder Anthony wouldn’t go away; he knew something that I didn’t. He had already received the answer, he just had to wait for little ol’ me to come to the same conclusion.

Gymnastics Meet/Recital

In my last post I mentioned that Miss A participated in her very first gymnastics meet last weekend.  She was beyond excited about it and couldn’t wait to show off her routines that she had worked so hard to perfect.  Just a couple weeks before that she had the chance to have a ‘practice meet’ within her own gym.  This was a way for the girls to get a feel for what the real meet would be like.  There were real judges there and everything. 

Neither Anthony or I were able to stay and watch the practice meet because there was too much going on.  Miss K and I made it for the last two events.  We saw Miss A do her floor routine and then move on to the beam.  She did great.  At the end they gave the girls their score sheets and wouldn’t you know it… Miss A scored highest on vault and got the all-around high score also.  35.2

It was called a practice meet but it had value as well.  The girls have to score a 32 or above in three intra-squad meets in order to compete the rest of the season.  I’m still confused as to whether it’s 32 at each one or if it’s an average of 32.  In any case, I think she rocked it and couldn’t have done a better job. 

The real meet was a bit more nerve wracking for her.  More gyms, more girls, more judges, more audience. 

It was so fun to see her!  My cousin watched the boys for us and we took the baby and the girls to the meet.  Miss A just looked like she was in her element.  She really is happiest when she is doing what she loves.  Right now, that means gymnastics. 

Each girl at the meet did the same routines… which means the same music for floor over, and over, and over, and over, and over…. (fun stuff!  ;) ).  Being that Miss A is only a level 3 right now her routines were the simplest.  The most complex things girls at her level do on the floor is a round off back handspring.  On bars they do a chin up pullover and a back hip circle.  She did great on every event although everyone thought she should have scored higher on her floor routine.  The judges were pretty harsh this time around.  But she still managed to score a 34 – ish.  I can’t remember the exact score.  34.something.

They divided them into both Level and age.  She was in the Level 3 ages 10 and up category.  When all was said and done, she placed 2 on vault, 4th on beam, 4th on floor, and 4th all-around. 

The very next evening they had a recital for the Beginner – Level 3.  I know I said that Miss A is level 3 but it’s different.  She is Competition Level 3.  Miss H is Level 3… not competition… yet.  Does that make sense? 

And so, Miss H got to strut her stuff.  Unfortunately, there is only a picture of her warming up because I video recorded the events. 

And boy, she did a great job!  There were no judges so she didn’t get placement medals but she did get a participation medal.  Miss A got to help give the medals and she tried so hard to be in the right place to give H her medal but missed her by 2 spots.  Darn it!!  But that’s ok, my favorite moment came at the very end.  When it was all over…

Confession… this one is posed.  I missed the ‘real’ hug so I made them do it again for a picture.  How was I supposed to know Miss A would find it in herself to give Miss H a much deserved hug?  That’s the sort of thing she usually reserves for her friends.  No matter how hard I try to get her to recognize the need Miss H has for a hug.  Melted my heart! 

 

K’s Birthday/Christmas Project

Maybe you remember that Miss K had decided to give back for her birthday this year.  Well, I say ‘this’ year but technically it was last year.  But it was only this past October so… you feel me, right?  And the giving back part didn’t actually happen until Christmas time. 

She asked her friends that came to her party NOT to bring her a gift.  Instead she asked them to bring a gift that she could give to someone else.  At the time we envisioned donating a bunch of toys to Toys 4 Tots or another similar organization.  But we decided to get more people involved that might want to help.  I helped her make up some flyers which she and her sisters passed out around the neighborhood.  Just something to let them all know what it was she was doing and how they could help.  She asked for donations of toys, clothing, cash, and/or gift cards.  I also made an announcement on facebook.

In total she ended up with about 35 toys, a few articles of clothing in various sizes,  2 coats,  and just over $300 in cash and gift cards.  We weren’t sure how far the cash and cards would go but when we realized how much she had to work with in the toys we saw that she could probably do much more that just donate toys to an organization.  It was then that we decided to ask around for a family that might be in need of help. 

9 kids later (from 5 different families) she was ready to play Santa Claus!  For some she only needed to provide a few things just to supplement what the family could not do on their own.  But for others she provided the entire thing!  One family with 3 kids received 4 toys per child, 2 complete outfits each, and a pair of pajamas for each as well.  This is also the family that needed the coats.  Someone else was able to provide a third one for them.  Another little girl in Idaho received a similar set up… minus the coat.  Some of the families we did not know personally, others we did. 

There was a little bit of worry when we first took on that many kids.  How was that $300 going to spread that far?  Miss K and I prayed to Heavenly Father to help us spread the money as far as it needed to go and VOILA!  The rest is history.  I truly believe that Miss K was blessed for her efforts in so many ways.  This experience taught her so much and I watched her grow up and realize how blessed she is in her life.  Such a great kid!  I couldn’t ask for a sweeter daughter to call my own. 

Going shopping with her was so much fun.  I let her choose everything that we bought since it was her project.  She did a great job although she was indecisive at times which she comes by honestly having me for a mother. 

Decisions aren’t easy… ok? 

Anyhow, she wants to do it again next year (or this year, technically) so we are gearing up.  And her sisters want to be involved this time as well.  They got to join us on a couple of the shopping trips and really got into it.  However, they were only allowed to make suggestions to Miss K.  She had the final say on all of it. 

So proud of the young woman that she has become and I can’t wait to get to know her even better as she develops into a teenager (THIS YEAR!!  YIKES!). 

Masquerade Ball

I had originally planned for there to be one big catch up post, then a Christmas post, followed by a New Year’s post.  Then I started editing pics to get it all under way and frazzle brained me accidentally told the program NOT to save the changes when I went to shut the computer down. 

**UGH!**

And so, here a little… there a little.  That’s what we’re going to do.  I’ll catch up… eventually.

So, I was going to catch up on Halloween in the big post but now I think we’ll skip it.  Post a pic and call it good, no?  Anthony and I were Mr. and Mrs. Incredible… not shown.  Baby B actually got to be several things this year for different parties and events.  Monkey, cow, Squirt (turtle from Finding Nemo), and Tigger.  Lots of kids equals lots of costumes in baby/toddler sizes. 

Miss K was invited to a Masquerade Ball that was held just a couple days before Halloween.  Doesn’t she look beautiful?  It’s crazy to me how fast this girl is growing up.  I swear she was just born last week! 

She invited a couple of her cousins to come along, also.  They just moved back to Utah from Nebraska so it was fun for them to all go and get reacquainted. 

Someone’s father wasn’t too happy to see his little girl so fancied up and looking so pretty.  This is him telling those boys they had better stay away. 

I was the one that got to go pick her up from the ball that night.  Call it bias but I’m pretty sure there wasn’t a more beautiful little gal at the ball!  The dancing wasn’t quite over when I got there but she informed me that up to that point no one had asked her to dance.  Part of me was sad for her as she told me that all of her friends had been asked and most of them several times over the course of the night.  But when I looked around I realized that there was only one explanation… all the boys were too chicken!  She looked RADIANT!  And she wasn’t the least bit sad.  She laughed about it.  I told her that her dad would be so happy! 

She asked if they could stay for just a few more dances.  Those ‘few’ turned into MANY! 

Finally, it happened!  My friend Tamra’s son asked Miss K to dance.  He had chosen her shoe from the middle of the room and had to dance with the owner of the shoe.  He is only slightly younger than her but he’s a darling kid.  They know each other from clogging class… and the fact that his sister is one of K’s good friends. 

Can I just tell you how awkward they looked?  I LOVED IT!  Watching them both stumble over each other’s feet… it was a good time.  ;)  They had no clue how to dance with each other.  I am giggling just thinking about it.  Good times.  I think they both felt nervous (though K would never admit that).  Oh how I wish I had a picture!  Her first dance.

A good time was had by all!

More updates to come…

A moment

Have you ever had a moment that made you stop and think?  Today I had that moment. 

Miss K and the boys have clogging on Tuesdays.  We gathered up everyone’s shoes, coats, diapers, treats, Kindle… everything we would need for the 3 1/2 hours we would be gone.  Then we loaded everyone up in Big Delores (the Suburban). 

It had been snowing all day long and wasn’t going to let up any time soon.  I hadn’t wanted to go to dance at all because of the weather but I knew Miss K needed to be there as this is her last class before their first holiday performance set for Friday.  So, I scraped the snow off the car as it ran to get warm and defrost the windows.  Then we were off.

We had just made it out of the neighborhood when I realized how bad the roads were and I suggested to the kids that we should probably say a prayer.  Miss H enthusiastically offered to say it.  She had just finished and asked Heavenly Father to keep us safe as we entered the on ramp of the freeway.  Suddenly, Delores’ big rear end was fishtailing. 

I panicked!  And yet, I was calm… and I did everything WRONG! 

Everything started happening in slow motion.  It’s amazing how much you are able to think about in times of panic! 

Should I hit the brakes?  Do I turn into it or out of it?  What am I going to hit?  How do I stop this car?  Please don’t let us hit anything!  Oh no!  Here comes the air bag! 

I don’t think I said anything out loud but all of these thoughts raced through my mind.  Obviously the answer to braking… NO!  But I did.  I should have turned into it, but I turned out.  What did I hit?  Absolutely nothing! 

And I remember the entire time hearing Miss K screaming.  When we came to a stop in the ravine/shoulder (not sure what to call it) she was still squealing.  It is so unlike me to be cool, calm, and collected in a situation like this but I surprised myself today.  The other kids all seemed to be alright and I just rubbed Kayla’s arm to reassure her that we were ok.  We would be alright.  She was next to me in the front seat, crying.  Normally, I would be too but something kept me strong.  We sat there for a minute collecting ourselves while Little C kept asking why I would do such a thing.  “Why did you do that, Mom?  I don’t like that!  Why did you make us slide into here?  We almost hit the wall!”  It’s true.  We ended up about 4 feet from a brick wall.  He told me, “You shouldn’t do that, Mom.  I’m really freaked out now.”  If you know C you understand why this is funny.  He said it in such a monotone voice.  You just have to know him.  Even K laughed at his effort to sound ‘freaked out’. 

After explaining to him that this was not something I had intended to do, I tried backing out of the ravine.  No luck!  The tires just kept spinning.  K asked what we were going to do now to which I didn’t have a good answer.  I had left my phone home with Miss A.  I couldn’t call the police.  Since we had ended up perpendicular to the on ramp the only thing I could think to do was to have Miss K wave someone down.  I rolled her window down and had her start waving.  But before anyone stopped, someone on my side of car was walking toward us.  He had seen it happen and parked just up past the on ramp to get out of the way.  He made sure that we were all ok and called 911 for us. 

He was our angel today!  Well, one of them.  He was a young Hispanic man with earrings.  Little C wanted to make sure he wasn’t a bad guy.  I assured him that he was there to help.  And he insisted on staying until help arrived.  I felt so bad for him because the snow hadn’t let up at all and it was 29 degrees outside.  All the poor guy had on was a sweatshirt.  But he waited. 

At one point he had me borrow his phone to call Anthony.  Luckily he answered!  He doesn’t usually answer the phone if he doesn’t recognize the phone number.  Anthony really wanted me to try backing out again in 4-high.  I tried but had no luck.  We had been waiting about a half hour at that point. 

Another 15 minutes went by and FINALLY they came… a blaring ambulance and a fire truck.  I should probably have been embarrassed.  They blocked the entire on ramp for this.  One of the firemen (or maybe the EMT?) got into the driver’s seat and after some struggle and 3 other firemen/EMT’s pushing, they freed Big Delores!  MORE ANGELS! 

They didn’t bother with an incident report or anything… just sent us on our merry way (I’m sure they had plenty of other incidents to take care of).  Only now it was Miss H crying.  She was scared when the man was getting us out of the snow because the car went really squirrely again several times. 

We chose not to make the drive to dance even though we could have made it in plenty of time for Miss K’s class.  She was pretty shaken up. 

I never got too emotional about this one and I’m not really sure why.  So not like me!  I cry at everything. 

EVERYTHING!

So, while I didn’t get too shaken up, it still made me really think.  How blessed I was today!  Did our prayer work?  I choose to believe that it did!  Obviously I meant for nothing at all to happen but it could have been so much worse.  The girls attribute the car stopping without hitting the wall to angels.  They believe angels stopped it.  Why not?  I choose to believe they are right. 

How blessed am I in my life, in general?  Wow!  I can’t even begin to count the ways.  But I can say that almost every night I thank my Heavenly Father for two things.  First, I thank him for my family’s safety and my own.  Safety in every sense of the word.  Yes, we get hurt… but in general we have been blessed with safety.  Second, I thank him for our health.  Sure, we get sick but no one has any major medical issues to deal with. 

Not that I’m terribly superstitious but I really hope I didn’t just jinx myself by saying that.  *Knock on wood, right?* 

I just felt inspired by the events of today.  I needed to share my humble testimony of the Lord.  He hears and answers our prayers!  Not always the way we expect but he did send mortal angels to minister to us in our time of need.  They didn’t have wings or halos.  They weren’t even dressed in white but I’m telling you, they will be blessed for their efforts.  I don’t know how and I wish that I could repay them myself. 

This time of year always seems to bring out the good in a lot of people. 

 

12 Years Old {Please consider donating!}

Miss K is 12 today! This year for her birthday she would like to give instead of receive. We have been blessed by so many 'angels' in our lives over the years. K recognizes this and would like to take a turn helping others. From now until Thanksgiving she will be collecting new clothes, new toys, and gift certificates (Target, Walmart, or Toys R Us). She will be donating all items to various organizations throughout the Christmas season. (Toys 4 Tots, Angel Tree, needy families, etc.) We will keep you posted about the progress, where the items are going, and what she chooses to buy with gift certificates and such. Please let me know if you would like to donate!

 

College! {Part 2}

{If you missed Part 1 click HERE}

After doing some research for online degrees and coming up empty, I set aside the thoughts for school. 

Then last Spring I got a call from my Relief Society President.  She had just been told about a new program set up by the church and BYU Idaho.  The program is called Pathway.  She explained what she knew about it at that point which wasn’t much.  She only knew that it was extremely affordable and all online.  {Except for the first year… I’ll explain later.}

Sounded like just what we needed!  But I was surprised that Anthony hadn’t said anything about it.  He is on the high council for our stake.  Surely they would have been informed of this wonderful program.  Maybe it was too good to be true. 

After talking with my RS president I immediately called Anthony at work to ask him if he’d heard about it.  He said yes but didn’t know enough about it to say anything and honestly thought it was another opportunity we would have to pass up because of where we are in life right now.  School just didn’t seem to fit in.  He knew there was going to be a fireside about it coming up and we planned to attend.  It was highly recommended that all members of the high council attend just to learn more about it. 

The fireside took place in June (I think?).  All the logistics were explained; the cost, the program itself, the possibility of transferring after the first year… everything!  By the end of the fireside we both knew that it was exactly what we BOTH wanted to do!  The fireside was held at the Salt Lake Community College Institute Building and it was a full house!  It actually was a 2 day deal.  The first night was for those of us 31 and over.  The second night was for anyone 18-30.  While there I saw my 9th grade seminary teacher who now teaches institute.  That was fun.  I was surprised he remembered me… the OLDer me.  Old, as in age.  It’s been close to 20 years. 

WEIRD! 

When I knew him he hadn’t had any kids yet.  I learned that he now has five, though one passed away.  **Heidi, if you’re reading this… He told me to tell you hi!**

Anyway, we went home and signed up right away.  Tuition wasn’t due until the first day which wasn’t until September 16th so we had a while to gather up funds.  Unfortunately, when you’re as tight as we are you just don’t have even a dollar to pinch so we had to get an advance at work.  That makes for itty bitty checks the following two pay days ;).  But, what can ya do?

One of the greatest parts about this program is that you don’t have to have a high school diploma or even a GED.  There are also no tests (SAT’s or ACT’s) required.  You just have to be a member of the church and take the Pathway courses required.  After the Pathway year (3 semesters) is done, you can transfer to another school or continue with BYU-I. 

So, here’s how it works.  For the first year everyone is on the same ‘path’.  We all take the same classes and during the same semesters.  Every Thursday there is a “Gathering”.  This program is available all over the world in various locations but only opened up this year in Utah.  I believe there are two locations.  The one we attend got such a great response (far more than they expected) that they had to put us (ages 31+) in a different location than originally planned.  Both groups were supposed to meet at the same location.  From what I understand, they expected about 80 students TOTAL to sign up for this location but got over 300.  They sent us old folks ;) to a local high school seminary building.  The other Utah location is in Sandy and I don’t know what kind of response they got. 

Once in our respective ‘classes’ overseen by specially appointed Pathway Missionaries (a real calling in the church now) we are taught by a fellow student that leads the class.  Each student is expected to lead at least once over the course of the program. 

I’m extremely nervous about that! 

While most of our school work is done online, the Gatherings are just as important and count toward the final grade.  Missing more than 1 or 2 Gatherings can really affect your grade.  Since we need a B average to pass and integrate into the regular BYU-I online courses. 

Right now, we are taking Book of Mormon 1 Religion class (Institute) and Life Skills.   18-30 have to take Institute at the community college.  31+ take it online.  A whoppin’ 5 credit hours. 

AND WE’RE DYING!!

We are total wimps!  I don’t know if I could handle a full time schedule.  I thought this would be so easy.  Anthony and I are both feeling very overwhelmed but in a good way.  We are having so much fun. 

I can’t explain the spirit that has been with us.  We’ve been teased about going to BYU and being closet BYU fans.  If you know us (especially Anthony and the kids) you know that we are huge Utah fans.  But I am telling you, the spirit is with us and we are learning so much spiritually.  BYU-I makes sure to include the spirit in every lesson.  It’s amazing! 

I feel so blessed to be a member of this wonderful church and know the true gospel.  We’ve only been to two Gatherings so far but already I feel a connection to some of the class members.  And even online, we are required to participate in group discussions and get to know each other a bit.  We are having so much fun and can’t wait to see what will come of this. 

It was brought to our attention by the missionary couple that we’ve been assigned to that we are “an elite few” in knowing about and being able to participate in this amazing program.  If you mention the Pathway Program to people, most have no clue what it is.  They’ve never heard of it.  So, we feel extremely blessed to be a part of it.  I hope that it can bless many more lives in the near future. 

And that, my friends, is my ‘pathway’ to college.  It finally feels right!  It finally feels doable!  And now I know that THIS is why it wasn’t right before.  Anthony and I are doing this together and I already feel it bringing us closer in a way. 

And hey, I can now say that I married my college sweetheart!  ;)  We were just married before the college part. 

The best part of this for me is that my kids will see us doing this.  I hope it will serve as an example for them.  Maybe because they watch us on our roads to getting degrees they will want to do the same.  

 

COLLEGE! {Part 1}

Not in a million years would I have ever guessed I would be going back to school.  After graduating from high school I was DONE!  Sure, I took a couple classes at the local community college… Photography and American Sign Language.  I think I took a College Skills class as well.  Nothing too major. 

Then I got married.  You know what comes after marriage… the baby in a baby carriage. 

So I quit. 

And no, I wasn’t sad.  Not the tiniest bit! 

My family was started and we were going to be ok.  I would be the stay at home mom and Anthony would work.  It was planned that way from the beginning. 

Anthony had never been to school either beyond high school.  He went on a mission, got home and got a job, started dating me, we got married, and then he started a couple of classes at the community college as well. 

Just before Miss K was going to turn a year old we moved to South Carolina with my parents.  They were moving there for my dad’s job and we didn’t have anything tying us down here in Utah so we went.  It probably wouldn’t have been something we would have even considered if not for the fact that Anthony had served his mission there.  He had always wanted go back and live there for a while… this was our chance! 

He continued school at a college there in Florence, SC.  He wanted to be an architect.  I continued being a SAHM.  We lived there for almost 2 years with my family.  Anthony worked at Sears as a salesman and was called as the Seminary teacher for the kids in our branch.  There were a whopping 3 of them, my sister and two other girls (they were sisters).  But he LOVED it! 

When my dad lost his job and they decided to move back here to Utah we considered moving out on our own with our then two kids.  We had talked about what we would do if a situation such as this arose.  We would stay.  But when it came down to it, we knew we wouldn’t be able to afford to stay on our own.  Plus, I just really didn’t want to stay without my family.  I knew it would be really hard on me.  We would miss so much in Utah… birthdays, weddings, Thanksgivings, Christmases, barbecues, reunions, and so much more.  I wanted to be able to be a part of those things.  I wanted my kids to know their cousins and be part of their lives.  Anthony knew transferring his credits back to the college in Utah would be a hassle and that most of the credits that he’d completed wouldn’t transfer.  Some he had already done twice because they didn’t transfer from Utah to SC. 

I won. 

Had we been able to afford to stay I am pretty sure I would have lost that battle.  But there was just no way. 

Anthony was right, many of the credits wouldn’t transfer.  He was frustrated and we just needed money.  His job had him working late hours sometimes.  School was not an option right then. 

Things started looking up for us financially when we started our own business in 2005.  Everything looked to be on the up and up for a couple of years…

But the economy had a different idea in mind. 

Since that time, it’s been rough for us.  The economy has hit us hard and we have been struggling for years.  We’ve toyed around with the idea of Anthony going back to school since that time but when it came down to it, the time just wasn’t right.  He needed to work as much as possible for whatever little bit of money he could get.  So, he has. 

Then, about a year ago I looked into school for myself.  It’s not something that I ever even WANTED!  I never had a desire to go to college.  Then this weird thing called homeschooling happened.  It has opened my eyes to a new world of learning and actually enjoying it!  It’s possible! 

However, the time wasn’t right.  All the degrees I looked into at the community college required at least some courses being taken at the school.  I needed online only. 

{{… to be continued…}}

{Click to see Part 2}

 

Rocket

There I was, slumbering peacefully in the wee hours of the morning on Labor Day.  Eight in the AM is the wee hours on Labor Day.  Anthony, C, H, and K had gone for a morning run. 

Little B awoke and came in to snuggle like he normally does.  And, as usual, the questions started… Where’s Dad?… Why is he running?… When will he be home?

**Front door opens**

The first thing I hear is, “Can we please keep it, Dad?  He’s so cute!” 

Any mom knows what those words mean… it means they found something.  Either a cat, a dog, or even worse… a critter. 

B and I go out to see what all the fuss is about and all the while my mind is already made up. 

NO! 

We were not going to keep ‘it’.  Whatever ‘it’ was. 



‘It’ was a kitten.  We are guessing around 6 months old.  And ‘it’ is a boy.  We checked.  ;)

I still had the NO ready.  We already have a dog and another cat.  But C had a perfect name already picked…

Rocket!

And so, before I could even put up a fight the dumb thing was already named and had food in his face.  They had found the poor little guy on the parkway.  He was starved for both attention and food.  A couple of other people had already come across him.  One couple was going to take him to the shelter and a couple of elderly ladies had gone to get him some food.  They were returning just as the kids came upon the cat. 

And the rest is history!

Never mind the fact that I’m allergic.  We have a cat already so what the heck!  Twice the itchy eyes, runny nose, sneeze attacks, and periodic hives… BRING IT ON!

But really, the kids were attached before they even got in the car to drive home from their run.  How do you say no to that?

We tried introducing Sissy, the other cat, after Rocket had a few minutes to get to the know the main floor of the house.  How did that go, you ask?  Let’s just say… Sissy was not amused. 

Next we brought in our gigantic lab, Moe.  We knew he would be gentle… and he was.  He sniffed, Rocket hissed, Moe backed off, came in for another whiff, Rocket relaxed a bit and then…



Rocket got a slobber bath. 

Isn’t that what everyone wants?  To be covered in dog slobber and wet nose snot from head to toe?  {Yuck!}

Anthony thought he’d take a turn, too.  ;)



But Rocket loved it!  To this day he still waltzes over to Moe and begs for a ‘bath’.  They are good buddies now. 

This kitty is super playful.  The kids are having a blast with him!  Just yesterday he climbed into this empty water bottle package.  C called it Rocket’s ‘portal’.  I’m not even sure where he picked up the word ‘portal’. 





Welcome to the family, Rocket!

 

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Half Marathon

Have I ever told you how much I look up to my kids?  They may be shorter than me for now but WOW! they really amaze me!

 

Ever since last August when Miss K ran a 10K with Anthony she has been dying to do a half marathon. 

Dying… WHO BEGS TO DO A HALF MARATHON?  SERIOUSLY?

Well, since Anthony was going to train her up for one, little A wanted to do it as well.  Yes, I have crazy kids.  At first Anthony thought it would be best to have A do the 10K while he ran with K for the half… Great plan, IF you have someone to run the 10K with the other child.  He tried to convince me to do it. 

PSHHHH!  See how well that worked out for him?  Ha ha! 

So, he had no choice but to train her up for the half as well, which is what she really wanted so she wasn’t at all sad about that.  :)

I admit I was nervous.  I even asked their pediatrician if it was ok for them to run such a distance at their young, tender ages.  He said it was fine so long as they listen to their bodies.  As long as they can talk while running they are fine. 

I was still nervous.

During the training runs Little A had all the energy in the world which is nothing new to us.  She’s always been a little firecracker.  When it comes to anything athletic she just seems to have a natural ability to do… whatever.  K has to work harder for it but I think she appreciates it more for all the hard work she puts in to it.  Little A would run circles around K (all this according to Anthony, of course… I wasn’t there ;)) and still have energy to spare when they got home. 

CHILD!… you do realize you just ran 8 miles, right?  Sheesh! 

And Miss K surprises me every day!  She just really loved every exhausting training run they did.  The jealous bug bit her in the butt for only a short time until she came to me one day and said, “I’ve decided it’s a lot more fun to be happy for somebody than to be jealous.”

Proud momma moment right there! 

Her runs were even better after that epiphany, too. 

The night before the race, Little A was so nervous.  She came out of bed to us sobbing.  She was scared and couldn’t sleep.  We assured her that this run was absolutely not a mandatory thing.  She was welcome to back out at any point.  A little lavender on the feet and hug later she was feeling much better. 

I had been told the night before to be at the park where the race ended at 9:30.  That way I would be sure to see the girls and Anthony cross around 10:00 am. 

Well, that only works if your children cooperate and VOW to not cross the finish line until at least 9:45. 

There I am, 9:32, parking… right then!!  And my sister calls to let me know that she just watched Little A cross from a distance.  She hadn’t made it to the finish yet either.  UGH! 

So, I have no pictures of her crossing the finish line.  :(  And I just knew I had missed Anthony and Miss K. 

Once I found A at the finish (and apologized for not being there just 5 minutes earlier) she told me that it was just her.  Anthony had run her across the line and gone back for K.  A had finished in 2 hrs. 21 min.  About a half hour later Miss K came along.   2 hrs. 50-ish min. 

WOW!  13.1 miles… CHECK!  They inspire me.  So much so that I even went and got me some running clothes.  Not so much because I really want to run.  I still think it’s devilish.  But for the sheer fact that I would like to see my husband once in a while!  I figure I have to run to hang out with him.  Tuesday night was our first run.  It was the devil!  But I finished a 5K.  Go me! 

But back to my girls… they are amazing!  So inspiring that complete strangers asked to have their pictures taken with them.  They got 1st and 2nd in their division.  (I think they were the only ones in their division to be honest but who the heck cares!)  Still #1 in my book! 

 

Something New

I have wanted to learn photography for as long as I can remember.  Cameras have always been an important thing throughout my life but it wasn’t until last year that I finally justified getting a DSLR. 

And there is no looking back now! 

I’m already plotting to get another one (a nicer one!)… probably later rather than sooner, unfortunately.  :(

But for now I am having a blast with the one I’ve got. 

Last week I said something on facebook about wanting Photoshop and lo and behold a friend ran me her old copy of CS2 right over.  She had upgraded and didn’t need it anymore.  And that, my friends, is the beauty of the internet! 

Little did I know that Photoshop has such a learning curve!  I’ve been watching tutorial after tutorial on YouTube, all the while confusing myself even more with all the information that’s trying to fill my little brain.  I only have so many nooks and crannies to fill in that thing.  ;)

And so… a week and half later, I have finally edited my first two photos! 

GO ME! 

So, without further ado…

Before

After

Before

After

I’m tired.  My poor husband has fallen asleep downstairs waiting for me to finish my edits so we can watch a movie.  (It’s been a couple of hours… ;))  Yes, I said a couple of hours… for TWO, count them… TWO photos to be edited. 

I’m pathetic.   

Both pics were taken the same day… within the same hour, within the same 10 minutes… probably more like five minutes.  No, she didn’t change shirts.  It really is the bright yellow color in the first picture.  But I really really LOVE the way the second edit turned out.  The vintage-y feeling of it makes me happy. 

And no, I don’t have a favorite child.  She was just the only one willing to go on a mini session with me. 

Isn’t she beautiful? 

So, now I need feedback.  Any photographers out there with some advice? 

Postpartum

For the past few days I’ve had a nagging feeling that I need to write about my experience with postpartum.  I don’t know why.  It’s not something that I ever meant to share with anyone, let alone family and strangers alike.  And yet, here I am.  Maybe there’s someone out there that needs to know they are not alone. 

That being said, I hope that by sharing my experiences I will not become the target of any harsh words or unkind remarks in regards to this very real situation.  It is a very real and sometimes very scary place to be within yourself. 

When I first found out that Anthony and I were expecting our first baby we were over the moon about it!  I admit that I was nervous.  I knew that starting a family with him meant there was no turning back.  And by that I mean this….

…There was a time in the beginning of our courtship and marriage that I was, admittedly, in love with someone else.  This someone else had gone on an LDS mission, I met Anthony a very short time later, ping ponged my feelings back and forth between the two of them and finally realized at some point that Anthony was the one that I was supposed to marry.  I know others in my family saw it very differently but this is the truth.  {More on that when I start on our Love Story}

Knowing that I was supposed to be with Anthony didn’t make it easy to write the Dear John letter to the missionary.  It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life and even as a married woman, I had an extremely hard time letting go of those feelings.  Any time that I was upset with Anthony for whatever reason, my mind would race back to the missionary.  Sometimes I would even create reasons to be upset with him.  There was actually a time that I thought about divorcing Anthony in the hopes that I would still have a chance with the other guy. 

I thought having a baby would fix all of this.  All the old feelings for the other guy would magically disappear and life would be perfect.  It was my point-of-no-return. 

It doesn’t quite work that way, as I found out. 

I was thrilled to be pregnant!  It was exciting to be starting a family of our own.  And Anthony couldn’t have been more ecstatic!  He had always wanted to be a daddy.  He had written about his desire to be a father in his journal during his mission. 

Postpartum depression wasn’t something that I ever thought about until my birthing class when they talked about it a little bit.  Now, I’m not one to feel invincible.  I am very much aware that something… ANYTHING could happen to me or someone that I love at any time.  And I often worry that something will happen.  I’m pretty much just one giant ball of worry at any given moment.  I’m always thinking of the worst case scenarios.  However, I never really worried too much about postpartum.  I didn’t consider myself at risk for depression… at least not then. 

Now, when I look back, I think that I was already at high risk because of the emotional conflictions I was having within myself at the time. 

So, baby was born, everything went beautifully, she was perfect, and we were elated!  I went through the normal ‘baby blues’ kind of thing, got the nursing thing down after a couple of weeks, and we were just happy. 

Except that I wasn’t. 

Just before having my beautiful baby girl was when Andrea Yates (sp?) had drowned her 5 beautiful children in their bathtub.  Do you remember this in the news?  I remember looking at my perfect daughter and realizing something… this child is completely, 100% dependent on me.  For everything!

I realized that I could do anything… and she would be powerless to stop me. 

It was an overwhelming feeling.  This feeling of being 100% responsible for another human being was just too much.  It’s not that I wanted to hurt her, I loved her!  I just knew I was in complete control.  

At first, I thought this was all just part of the baby blues.  But when it went on for more than just a couple of weeks I knew something was wrong.  I tried to hide it until I just couldn’t anymore. 

Finally, I told Anthony.  He immediately gave me the first of many priesthood blessings for this issue. 

When another week or so went by and things hadn’t changed much I decided to call my doctor.  The nurse told me she didn’t think I had postpartum after explaining things to her.  But I knew better.  I tried to believe her but I knew…

There came a point that when I was upset with Anthony in the early weeks of my daughter’s life that I would think, I should just scratch her to make him mad. 

Please don’t judge… I was in a place that wasn’t right for me.  I absolutely knew that wasn’t the right thing to do and yet, I just wanted to get through to him.  I knew that hurting her would get his attention… FAST!  Thankfully, I never followed through with the thought. 

{{Please know that I never, ever did anything to hurt my daughter.}}

He loved that little girl in a way that I didn’t know a father could love his daughter.  It was truly magical to see in those moments that my head was in the right place.  But in those moments that I wanted his attention all on me, it was all I could do not to throw a fit!

Things continued this way for several more weeks and I received a few more priesthood blessings from Anthony over that time.  Those blessings helped me to realize something… I was jealous!  Jealous… of a sweet, tiny little baby.  A baby that I brought into this world.  A baby that I love and adore!  I believe the blessings absolutely worked the way that they were supposed to and I was able to recover without the help of medications.  However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t think they are necessary.  

In one of the blessings I remember being told in one of the blessings to ‘not be idle’.  I talked to Anthony about it afterwards and we decided together that I needed a hobby.  Something to make me think happy thoughts.  Something that kept my mind on the positive… not dwelling on the negative and allowing idle thoughts to enter my mind.  So, I began scrapbooking… again.  I fell in love with it and Miss K is the only one that has a scrapbook.  Once I had two kids I was far too busy to scrapbook.  :)  (I was never going to be THAT mom!  But I totally am…)

Please, please, please if you are struggling with postpartum, PLEASE seek help from a professional.  I wholeheartedly believe that the nurse I spoke with was wrong in telling me I wasn’t suffering.  And yes, I was able to overcome it without medication but looking back, I think it really could have helped. 

There is absolutely NO SHAME in confiding in your doctor about any postpartum issues.  Ask questions, be aware, be HONEST! 

I’ve been lucky to have not had any postpartum issues with any of the other babies.  The chances of suffering it a second time are pretty high.  So please seek help if you have any signs at all.  Remember… NO SHAME! 

 

Our Pathetic Garden

Gardening has never come naturally to me.  Growing up my mom and dad grew tomatoes.  Maybe they grew other things as well… I remember tomatoes.  I was never really part of the process.  Plants grew, it was brought inside (from either the garden or maybe the grocery store?), food was prepared, and I ate it.  That’s what I know. 

Anthony grew up with the master gardener himself… his dad.  He grew everything.  Anthony remembers rows and rows and rows of corn, lots of potatoes, tomatoes, squash, peppers and much more.  He helped to till the dirt many times over the years.  However, he doesn’t seem to have picked up the green thumb gene.  It must skip a generation.  It’s the only logical explanation. 

I personally have only heard stories up until now about this infamous garden my FIL grew each year.  My in laws moved from their home around the same time Anthony and I got married.  They had lived in rentals until a couple years ago.  This is the first year since then that they’ve had a garden to speak of.  I’m jealous!

Since moving into our home over 7 years ago we have tried to grow a garden 5 times.  Each time we got nothing!  Actually that’s not exactly true…

Garden #1 – The plants grew and actually produced but we weren’t diligent enough to keep up with the weeds.  Then we kind of forgot about the vegetables.  Yep, we’re awesome!

Garden #2 – Tried a new thing (supposedly weedless) … Square Foot Gardening.  We followed directions to a T!  Went to the nursery for transplants, planted, things were growing well for a couple of weeks then we had a late freeze which stunted the growth of the plants.  They all lived the duration of the respective plant’s life span and even got a few flowers but never produced anything.  The plants were too small. 

Garden #3 – SFG again… nothing grew.  All were transplants again but didn’t grow.

Garden #4 – (last year) – same as the year before.

Garden #5 – (this year) – Tried a traditional garden again.

Well, it kind of worked.  This time we did it all from seed.  We started them inside where they all took off like champs! 

But I knew better than to get my hopes up.  All we knew was that we were desperate for something… ANYTHING… to grow.  Which is why we grew radishes.  (Yuck!)

HECK!  We would have planted SPAM seeds if we thought they might grow!!!  Seriously.

Anyway, I was right in not expecting much of my seedlings.  Once I got them outside they all shriveled up and died.  All but one…

BIG MAX!  He’s so big I can’t even get him all in the picture.  {That’s a lie… I just don’t want to step back far enough for you to see that we never got our grass put in.  Shh!}

He is the winner!  A pumpkin plant.  The bees like him, too.  

So, we may not get anything to actually eat from our garden but by golly, we’ll definitely have something to carve this Halloween!

But I did plant seeds again.  This time I just planted directly into the ground.  Most of it didn’t grow.  They didn’t like my black thumb.  But we did get a few things. 

Corn…

(What is this?  Is it flowering already and we won’t get corn?  Anthony says it’s normal… I’m skeptical.)

Lettuce… (Italian Blend.  Way too strong tasting for us.)  See all that extra space around the lettuces?  That’s where other plants were planted but didn’t grow. 

Radishes… (no pics because they’ve already been harvested.  We got a total of 4!  I think I planted at least 15. :))

Another variety of pumpkin… (Little Max)

These ones are in the SFG box.  Growing slowly and slightly yellow.

Garden Beans… (no beans yet)

Oh, and look what Big Max is doing!  Hooray!

But look what else he’s doing… Boo!  :(  Maybe it’s normal?  {Please tell me it’s normal!}

**Things that were planted but never grew… tomatoes, carrots, peppers, spinach.  Cucumber and Cantaloupe were also planted and actually started growing but didn’t stand a chance against whatever pest decided to come and eat them while they were still too young and innocent to defend themselves.  Stupid bugs!**

Did you plant a garden this year? 

 

Training Wheels and Two Wheelers {and potty training}

B was a beast to potty train!  We started trying several months ago but he just wasn’t going for it. 

He absolutely could, but he absolutely would not!

It was extremely frustrating.  He would be wearing big boy underwear, wet in them without telling anyone, then go change his pants.  We were constantly walking in random puddles on the floor and his bedroom smelled like a urinal. 

It was bad!

So… back in diapers he went! 

And then one day a couple weeks ago he just decided, on his own terms, that he was going to be a big boy and start using the potty.  He had a few accidents here and there but nothing like before.  We promised him that if he didn’t have any accidents at all for a week we would buy him a new bike.  He has admired C’s since Christmas. 

Long story short… he did it!! 

And now he has a new bike.  It’s not the Lightning McQueen bike he preferred… we may have steered his little eyes in another direction when we saw the price difference.  ;)

And of course he needed a new helmet to go with it.  What a stud!  These pics were taken Sunday evening in the parking lot of the church.  On the way home he said, “I like my new bike.  I love it!  It’s my favorite toy.”  And he was so proud of himself when he fell and just brushed it off and hopped right back on the bike. 

One more important thing to note is that Mr. C is now riding a two wheeler!  He didn’t do the training wheels very long at all.  About a month and a half ago we were at the church riding bikes when one of his training wheels fell off.  He seemed to do just fine without it so Anthony took the other one off and that was that!  It was pretty incredible.  C never even needed anyone to hold the back of the seat. 

It’s amazing how quickly these little boys are growing.  I love them so much! 

A Catch Up Post

K and A had a dance recital at the end of May.  They both did great! 

And in order to get her hair looking Annie-ish A had to wear her hair like so… (She hated it!)

K in her clogging performance.

And her ballet dance.

K was thrilled to start a new dancing adventure… on POINTE SHOES!  Classes started this summer and she couldn’t be happier about it.

This was a quick pic taken right before she was leaving for a Super Hero party. 

… THIS Super Hero Party to be exact.  They all left as ordinary people leading ordinary lives but they came back all hero-ed up!

My little Sasser turned 8 in June. 

She had a fun little party with some friends.

She also got baptized just this past Saturday.  Her sisters gave the opening and closing prayers, Grandma H. gave a great talk on Baptism, and Aunt Wendi gave another great talk on the Holy Ghost. 

The three of us on her baptism day.  Probably can’t tell but I’m sporting braces these days.  I hate them… the end!

The girls outside our church on the 4th of July.  Our ward has a breakfast every year.  This year, A got to sing the National Anthem and she did great! 

C is throwing a fit in this one.  I couldn’t get the boys to stand with the girls for a pic. 

This was back in April (or May?)… Anthony and his sister did a triathlon.  Yeah, it pretty much kicked their butts!  ;)  Neither of them were very confident with the swimming portion.

And then they ran the Ragnar with our good friend, Kevin just a couple weeks later. 

The one in the middle is Kevin and Tiffany’s son.  All three of them are being The Hulk… hence, no shirts.

And this little guy is growing up way too fast!