Self Control

...I have absolutely none!  It's sad, but true.  When it comes to food, especially sugary stuff, my brain goes haywire and I can't stop myself.  I'm beginning to think I have a serious problem.  No matter how many times I tell myself the cookie I'm eating is the last one, I always go back for more, and then I wonder (and so do the kids) where the heck they all went.  If I had even an ounce of self control they might last more than just one day.  Seriously, it's that bad.... a whole batch of cookies, GONE... just like that!

Sadly, I don't even realize it's happening most of the time.  All I know is that I start out with a whole bunch.  The kids eat maybe two each, and maybe grab a third later in the day.  But somehow, by the end of the day, I realize that I've eaten probably the same amount as my kids.... put together!  Are you starting to see that I have a problem? 

And it's not just cookies.  Oh no, it's anything really.  Sweet stuff just exposes the weakness more prominently than anything else.  Peanut M&M's, Dove chocolate, Kit Kats, you name it!  Even things I don't really care for... Oh man, this post is making me want chocolate.

Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure my friend LeShel did a post about her chocolate addiction.  (I hope she doesn't mind that I'm linking you to her blog.  It's a great one!)  I'm pretty sure I just have an addiction to food in general, and definitely chocolate and sugar! 

Lucky for me, I was blessed with a pretty good metabolism.  Although, the waistline could definitely use a tuning up after all these cute, fat babies it's had the privilege of carrying around if ya know what I mean. 

Just after high school, but before I got married, I worked at a department store called ZCMI.  Unfortunately, it's no longer around but this is where the story I'm about to tell you took place. 

I worked in the corporate offices as a buyer's assistant.  Best job I had ever had until I became a mother.  LOVED IT!  A girl from my ward, whom I hadn't really ever been friends with, worked there as well as a buyer's assistant for a different buyer.  It's so silly that we had never really even talked before but we quickly became friends when I started working there.  She had already been working there for quite a while. 

**I promise this has something to do with my self control.  Stay with me.**

One day, we both bought some Skittles from the vending machine in the break room and I decided that I was going to eat it only as quickly as she did.  I had seen her buy candy before and noticed how slowly she ate it.  If only I had that kind of self control! 

I would watch as she would pull her bag of Skittles out of the top drawer of her desk.  She would sprinkle just a few at a time out on her desk then slip her bag of candy back into the drawer.  Everything started well.  I would follow her example, sprinkling just a few at a time but HOLY COW!  She was eating them one...at...a...time!  ONE at a time?  Really?  It was nearly unbearable but I ate only one each time she did.  Things were going well-ish. 

Fast forward a couple of hours into our work day...

I just couldn't stand it any longer!!  The darn candies were calling my name by then.  "Brooke, oh Broooooooke!  You know you want to eat us..."  I couldn't do it anymore!  I'm pretty sure it would have killed me to try. 

In the end, it took me all of maybe 10 minutes... TOPS!... to get through my bag of Skittles.  And that was me still trying to make them last a little longer.  Now, guess how long her bag lasted.  That little itty bitty (although bigger than the fun size) bag... A Whole Week!  That's insane, people!  Who does that?  Does your bag of Skittles last you a week? 

The reason I'm bringing all this up is because I really really really want to try the 'Eat Clean' Diet.  You know the one where you don't eat any processed foods and no refined sugars... that one.  I actually really like the idea of going Raw too but that one would be insanely hard for my family.  I'll implement some of the raw ideas but not the whole diet.  This is going to be an extreme change for me if I go ahead with this.  Sugar is my happy place!  The world might stop turning if I have to give up sugar.  Maybe it will work if I sloooowwwly take it out of my diet instead of all at once.  The withdrawals could be devastating!  Just thinking about it give me anxiety. 

All I know is that my family (and when I say 'my family' I mean 'I') needs an intervention.  We eat horribly.  My poor Afony (that's Anthony) is complaining that he's put on some poundage and he wonders why.  We just won't tell him it's because I feed him CRAP!  I just hope that the 'clean' recipes taste as good as the crap we eat now.  I'm skeptical... I'll keep you posted.